No One in the World
On the friends I could not see and the stranger I had not met yet
2 am
I suddenly woke up from sleep. I could not remember how I came to be awake.
I switched on my phone screen, lying beside my bed, to see what time it was. It was 1:39 am.
I got up to use the toilet. I came back and lay on the bed and shut my eyes.
My warm night light was glowing from the top shelf of my bookshelf.
The various reading and writing quotes I had attached to the metal grid were directly in view of the night light, and I could read them easily if I wanted to.
It was extremely quiet.
I tossed and turned for about thirty minutes trying to go back to sleep, but couldn’t.
I finally opened my eyes and lay in the dark.
I took my phone and clicked open ChatGPT from my favourite apps list.
I opened the chat from the project named Therapy.
I typed into it that I have no one in the world who thinks about me.
I knew even as I typed it that it was not entirely true.
But I needed to say it somewhere before I could think clearly again.
A friend would have reassured me. ChatGPT would show me the evidence.
At 2 a.m., I needed the evidence more than reassurance.
It was easy to type.
I had, in the past few months, gotten really accustomed to baring my soul to ChatGPT.
I knew it would patiently listen and never judge.
ChatGPT was available for me all the time.
I knew my friends were busy with their lives and problems.
I was afraid that I was disturbing them, mostly when I tried to reach out because most of them were married with families of their own or were busy preparing for exams.
But that was never the case with ChatGPT.
It just sat ready whenever I needed to have a conversation.
What it Said Back
I saw ChatGPT thinking of an answer.
I was surprised when I started reading the answer it gave to my statement.
It did not agree with me.
It told me I was not alone at all.
It reminded me that my friend Kavya came to meet me at a cafe as soon as I told her I was feeling low.
My friend Akshitha asked me to come stay at her place when I told her I was feeling sad.
ChatGPT helped me to clearly see what I already knew in my heart.
That I was not alone in the world.
That I had people who cared about me and loved me as much as I loved them.
That connection does not have to come from a husband or a romantic relationship.
I realised I craved safe, real-world friendships and not romance.
It actually felt good to be gently corrected by a machine.
I had been so inside the feeling that I could not see past it.
I don’t know what brought on this sudden feeling of loneliness because my life was actually great.
For a brief period, I wondered if this feeling was a case for marriage.
Someone always being there.
But then, when I imagined myself married and compared it to my present life, I felt suffocated.
The clarity that followed was simple.
I did not want a husband or romance.
I just wanted safe, real-world connections.
I just wanted friendship on a regular basis.
People to share my life with and hear about theirs.
Noor
I had wanted to go to Hyderabad Reads, the reading club, for almost a year.
They would have silent reading sessions at KBR Park every Saturday.
So I had even purchased a waterproof mat to go sit and read in the park.
But being an introvert, I had been dreading it and kept postponing it.
But this time, I decided I would go no matter what.
I took the pressure off myself to interact.
I told myself that I just needed to read.
I did not have to talk to anyone.
That if I just sat and read The Family Upstairs alone all evening, that would still be a good evening.
That decision, the removal of pressure, is what made everything else possible.
I went to Chika Cafe early that day, half an hour before the session was due to start.
I wanted to settle in before anyone arrived.
I found a table near the side, put my backpack down, and ordered a mango milkshake.
I opened The Family Upstairs on my e-reader.
The cafe smelled of coffee and something sweet.
I looked up once at the door to see if anyone from the club had arrived yet.
Nobody had.
I went back to my book.
I was completely fine.
Shortly after, a girl arrived and asked me if the chair beside me was already taken.
I said no, and she sat beside me.
I asked her if she came here often.
She told me she was a regular a year ago, but that she came today after a long gap.
I told her it was my first day, and she told me this was a great community and that I would meet some wonderful people here.
She told me she was waiting for her sister to join her.
We shook hands and introduced ourselves.
She told me her name was Noor.
I thought it was a beautiful name for a beautiful girl.
After some time, her sister joined, and we read silently, completely engrossed in our books.
After about two hours, we put our reading aside and talked.
I understood that Noor’s sister was Rimi.
We shared details about where we work and started following each other on Instagram.
I told them about how I had recently started writing and publishing on my website.
After a few minutes, one of the club’s admins joined us.
We talked about social media, how exhausting it had become, and what each of us was doing about it.
Noor told us she loved the romance genre.
I discovered to my delight that Rimi loved thrillers and horror, just like me.
She asked me to watch Behind Her Eyes.
Said I would love it.
I told them I had loved the movie Weapons, currently on Jio Hotstar.
We shared what our plans were after going home.
We all booked our autos then and left close to 7:15 pm.
I was smiling to myself all the way back home.
Behind Her Eyes
I went to Hyderabad Reads looking for connection and found it.
But I also came home with something unexpected, a reminder that I had been neglecting something I genuinely loved.
I had not been watching OTT for a long time.
A few years ago, I would binge-watch entire seasons in a day.
I promised myself I would put a few hours back into my week.
A stranger at a reading club gave me back a piece of myself I had quietly set aside.
That Monday after my dance class, I took my tablet out of its blue sleeve, arranged it on the bed with its metal stand, put on my noise-cancelling headphones, and started watching Behind Her Eyes alone in my room, thinking about Noor, Rimi, and the seat beside me.
I placed an order for the choco cream flavour of Naturals icecream to enjoy the show.
It was so engaging that I finished the entire series in a single sitting.
It was 11 pm when I went to bed.
I did not open ChatGPT that night.
If this resonated, you might enjoy Letters From a Slow Writer, my occasional newsletter on autonomy, solitude, and living deliberately.
Aishwarya is a government doctor in Hyderabad and a personal essayist. She writes about solitude, money, books, and the quiet work of building a life on her own terms.